I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
it's great music for shaving your balls
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
