K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
