By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
