so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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