I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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