so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Randomize
