Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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