I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
