somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
just found out that she named her cat after me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
