just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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