oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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