we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
