first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
