so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i will never coherently bang her
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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