I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
