Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
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