people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
