I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
