living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
they call him Oral-B. enough said
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
