Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
