I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
