How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
