We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
he puts the penis in happiness.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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