Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
