I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Farmville is her only friend.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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