cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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