I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
