grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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