dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
