On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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