Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Just puked most of my soul out..
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
