your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
