The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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