on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
