Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I'm always down for nudity.
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