I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
