I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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