I need to stop coming to work sober
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
