The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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