At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
