a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
