Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
