marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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