Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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