i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
