Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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