Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
