I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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