im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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