My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
