I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
