people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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