we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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