I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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