Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
