The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
