I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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