haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
