the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Two words: blizzard sex
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
