Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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